How to Help When Your Baby Won’t Open Wide to Latch
Baby won’t open wide to latch? You’re not imagining it — shallow, pinchy latches that hurt are often the result of this one problem. And the most frustrating part? You’re probably doing exactly what you were told to do…and it’s just not working.
Here’s why: stroking your nipple down your baby’s lips doesn’t trigger the reflex to open wide. It actually cues sucking — the opposite of what you want.
The fix is simple: bring your baby in chin-first so their chin touches before the nipple. That small change triggers the gape reflex and helps your baby open wide right away.
It’s not a baby problem or a you problem. When a baby won’t open wide to latch, it’s usually just a reflex issue — and in this blog, I’ll show you why it happens and how to help.
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When your baby won’t open wide to latch, it’s usually not because they can’t — it’s because the wrong reflex is being triggered.
You probably already know that your baby was born with reflexes to help them latch. And if you’re like most parents, you were also taught to stroke your nipple down your baby’s lips to get them to open wide.
Here’s the problem: that doesn’t trigger the reflex to open wide (or gape). It actually cues the reflex to suck — which is the opposite of what you want.
If that sounds familiar, the good part is that your baby’s reflexes are wired just the way they should be.
It’s not that they can’t open — it’s that the right reflex hasn’t been given yet.
And you don’t have to just take my word for it. You can experiment with your baby at your next feed.
Reflexes That Help
Before we get to the “how,” let’s quickly walk through what’s supposed to happen — so you’ll know exactly what you’re looking for.
Your baby is born with dozens of reflexes, but helping them open wide for a deep latch really only takes a few key ones:
Rooting reflex — baby turns their head toward your chest or nipple.
Extension reflex— baby tips their head back so the chin leads and makes contact.
Gaping reflex— firm chin contact tells the brain: “open wide.”
Attaching reflex— once open, your baby moves forward and takes in breast tissue.
Sucking reflex— once latched, sucking starts to draw milk.
If those steps get skipped or scrambled, the gape often disappears — leaving you with a shallow, pinchy latch. The key is giving your baby the right cue at the right time, so the reflexes can fire in order and the wide-open latch shows up naturally.
Want to learn more?: Here's a blog that goes deeper into the reflexes your baby uses to get a deep latch.
What It Looks Like
When your baby opens wide to latch, you’ll see a chin plant, a big yawn-like gape, and then a smooth forward movement to attach.
Let’s look at what that sequence really looks like in real time. In this video, a week-old baby shows how those reflexes work together to open wide and feed.
It may be really helpful to slow the video down to half speed the first few times you watch it so you can see each step more clearly, and how the baby uses their reflexes in the right order to open wide and latch - first the chin plant, then they open wide, then the come forward to attach and then finally start sucking.
Opening Wide In Real Time:
The most important thing to notice? This baby is doing almost the whole process on their own. The parent only steps in at the very end with a gentle assist.
That’s the key: opening wide isn’t something you force or do for your baby—it’s something you set up and support, so their brain can run through the steps it was designed to do from birth.
Click for sound
And of course, it's one thing to watch a video of a baby opening wide to latch, and it's another thing entirely to practice with your baby at home.
So let's go through what's happening in this video so that you feel confident trying this at home.
Before You Start Practicing
Practice goes best when you and your baby are calm, and when you set up the right conditions first.
The actual steps to help your baby open wide are simple. You really just have to make sure that your baby's chin makes contact with your tissue, and they have time to open wide, before your nipple touches their lips.
The harder part is remembering you’re practicing with a real baby—who has their own moods, patience, and hunger levels. All of that will affect how it goes. Here are five things to keep in mind before you try:
Pick the right moment. Wait until you and your baby are calm—even if that means practicing outside of a feed. Definitely not at 3:00 am, when everyone's exhausted.
You'll need to adjust your baby's position. You'll see in the picture below, but you'll need to start with your nipple near your baby's nose.
Expect it to feel a little clumsy. Latching is a learned skill, and like anything new, it gets easier with repetition, and if you've been holding your breast in your hand, it can feel weird to let that go.
Look for quick wins. Many babies will open wider right away, just from getting that chin planted first. Even if you don't get them to open all the way the first time - more open is better than it was.
There’s no “wrong.” This is an experiment—your way of trying something different and seeing how your baby responds. You’ll find your rhythm together.
Helping Your Baby Open Wide to Latch
The key to getting your baby to open wide starts with positioning, and which part of your baby's body makes contact first.
Let’s walk through what you need to do to make this happen.
Start by positioning your baby so that their belly is making full contact with your belly, and aim for their arms to wrap up and around your breast or chest.
If your baby's arms are tense or moving frantically, don't force them. Getting their arms uncrossed and open makes it easier to get them snuggled close enough for that important chin contact, so just do the best you can.
Slide their body slightly down toward your lap or hip so your nipple isn’t centered on their mouth. This part is crucial—if your nipple touches their lips too soon, their brain gets the message to suck, and that means they won't open wide to latch.
Once your baby is lined up, you're ready to get them latched on, and here's what that process looks like:
Opening Wide: Step-by-Step
Here are the exact steps to take to start experimenting with helping your baby open wide to latch.
Step 1: Chin leads the latch. Bring your baby in close so their chin touches your chest or breast, with your nipple slightly above their top lip. Their bottom lip should rest near the lower edge of your areola.
Step 2: Wait for the gape. It may take your baby a few seconds, but you should baby should start to open their mouth once you have made contact with the chin.
Step 1: Lead with the chin. Bring your baby in close so their chin touches your chest or breast, with your nipple slightly above their top lip.
Step 2: Wait for the gape. It may take your baby a few seconds, but your baby should start to open their mouth once their chin makes contact.
Step 3: See how wide it gets.Now it's time to wait to see how wide your baby can open their mouth - which should be almost as wide as a yawn.
Step 4: Help only if needed. Once your baby has opened as wide as they can go, use the hand that's behind their shoulders, to gently snuggle them forward, so your nipple is finally inside of their mouth.
Step 5: Pause to let your baby organize. Once the nipple is inside your baby's mouth, pause to give them a chance to start to organize their next set of reflexes - which is the sucking and swallowing milk.
Step 4: Help only if needed. Once your baby has opened as wide as they can go, use the hand that's behind their shoulders, to gently snuggle them forward, so your nipple is finally inside of their mouth.
Step 5: Pause to settle in. Once the nipple is inside your baby's mouth, pause to give them a chance to start to organize their next set of reflexes - which is the sucking and swallowing milk.
Step 5: Pause to let your baby organize . Once the nipple is inside your baby's mouth, pause to give them a chance to start to organize their next set of reflexes - which is the sucking and swallowing milk.
Step 6: Get everyone comfortable. Once your baby has started sucking in an even rhythm, you can lean back, get your arms supported and make sure everyone is comfortable for the feed.
Now that you’ve got the big picture, practice with your baby and see what happens.
And here’s the truth: it may not look as smooth in your living room as it does in the slowed-down video above. That’s normal.
When I filmed that clip, I was right there with that mother, guiding her step by step—support makes it look easier than it often feels at first.
In real life, a lot can make things trickier:
A baby who gets upset quickly, so you don’t have much time before the mouth closes back down.
Frantic little arms that always seem to be in the way right as your nipple gets close.
Anatomy quirks that make latching harder (for you, your baby, or both).
A baby who lunges forward and “chews” your nipple in before they ever get the chance to gape wide.
Your amazing baby (and your amazing body) is what you’re working with. Latching isn’t about one “perfect” technique—it’s about learning how your baby’s reflexes work and how you can support them, not trying to teach them something brand new.
And if you or your baby get frustrated, just go back to what you were doing before.
Doing what feels best in the moment is always the right answer.
Then when everyone’s calmer, come back and try again. Every attempt is practice, and every time your baby opens wider than they did before is progress in the right direction.
Practicing With Confidence
Once you understand how your baby’s reflexes work, and what it is that you are supposed to be doing, latching stops feeling overwhelming and more like a puzzle that you have to solve for your body.
The good news is that once you figure it out, it's often like a light switch — and things just get better.
If you want to see exactly what this looks like in real time — with me coaching a parent through it step by step — check out my Expanded Access Pass. That’s where I’ll show you every detail I can to minimize the learning curve in the latch process: where to place your hands, how to work with your anatomy, and what to do if your baby still won’t gape. Think of it as having me right there with you, guiding you through the latch every step of the way, until feeding your baby feels better.
Live videos. Deeper answers. More Resources to Help.
🔒 Expanded Access has the resources to help you go deeper to understand and solve your latching and feeding problems when the standard advice falls short — with solutions made for real babies, real bodies, and real struggles.
If your baby won’t open wide to latch, it’s usually not because they can’t—it’s because the wrong reflex is being triggered. Stroking the lips cues sucking, not opening. The fix is simple: bring your baby in chin-first so their chin touches first. That cue triggers the gape reflex and helps them open wide right away.
When your baby won’t open wide to latch, the best position is one that makes chin-first contact possible and gives their reflexes space to fire in the right order. That’s what helps them open wide—whether you use cradle, cross-cradle, laid-back, or football hold.
Here is a YouTube video where I talk about positions, including my favorite position to teach latching.
If your baby won’t open wide to latch even after you’ve planted their chin, don’t panic—it usually means one of their reflexes isn’t firing in order yet.
The good news is this is common, and often simple to troubleshoot. This blog explains the most common reasons babies don’t gape wide, and what you can do next to help them open comfortably.
If your baby won’t open wide to latch and gets upset when you try, you’re not alone. Most babies struggle if we practice new latch techniques when they’re already hungry or worked up. It doesn’t mean you’re doing it wrong — it just means the timing isn’t right.
A few things that help:
Pick a calm moment. Try after a nap or a small snack feed, when your baby isn’t starving.
Keep it short. Even a minute of practice is progress — you don’t have to nail it in one go.
Reset if needed. If your baby melts down, pause, snuggle, rock, hum — whatever calms them. Then either try again or save it for later.
Follow their lead. If it feels like too much, skip it and come back at the next feed.
The more you practice in those calm windows, the easier it usually feels. And if every attempt ends in tears, that’s the time to get another set of eyes on a feed — sometimes one tiny tweak makes all the difference.
I’d love to hear from you! Share your thoughts, questions, or experiences below.
Meet the Author.
Hi there! I’m an IBCLC and educator with over twenty-five years of experience supporting families.
I built this space to share the kind of guidance I wish I had as a new parent—answers grounded in real-world experience, not guesswork. The kind that reflect real babies, real bodies, and the real challenges that don’t always fit the textbook.
Because when you understand why something is happening, it’s so much easier to feel confident about what to do next.
