latching help

How to Get Your Baby to Open Wide for a Deep Latch

Your baby isn’t opening their mouth wide before they latch—and you know it’s getting in the way. Maybe it’s positioning. Maybe it’s how you’re holding them. But you’re not quite sure what to change.

And figuring out what to do instead? That’s the hard part—especially when your baby’s hangry and wants food right now.

If that sounds like you, you’re in the right place. Let’s walk through how to help your baby open wide.

I’ll show you how small changes in how you position your baby—and how you use reflexive cues—can make a huge difference, so you don’t feel stuck doing the same thing again and again, hoping for a different result.

Not sure why your baby isn’t opening wide yet? Read this blog first. It breaks down what’s getting in the way—so you can take the right next step.

Reflexes Run the Show

Getting a deep latch isn't something we have to teach a baby—it's something we support. Most babies are born with reflexes that allow them to latch deeply all on their own. It's a mammal thing.

But when we (lovingly and unintentionally) block those reflexes—by latching in ways that interrupt them—feeding doesn't work the way it’s supposed to. Babies don’t open wide, the latch is shallow, and it can feel uncomfortable for everyone.

You don’t need to name every reflex. But understanding the key ones makes it easier to support your baby in using them naturally.

Rooting Reflex – Helps your baby turn their head so their mouth and your nipple are pointing toward each other.
Extension Reflex – Allows your baby to gently tilt their head back and extend their neck so their chin makes first contact.
Gaping Reflex – Triggers a wide-open mouth when the chin gets firm contact with your tissue.
Attaching Reflex – Helps your baby move forward and bring your tissue into their mouth.
Sucking Reflex – Starts after your baby is latched and draws your milk out.

Order Matters

Just like when you eat dinner—sit up, bring food to your mouth, open, chew, swallow—your baby needs their reflexes to fire in a specific order.

And this is where you come in: your job while latching is to position your baby so those reflexes can happen smoothly—and in the right order—without skipping the ones in the middle.

Your baby’s job is to use their reflexes to feed. Your job is just to make sure nothing gets in the way and troubleshoot if things go sideways.

Helpful Resource

I'm about to walk you through what this looks like in real time, with pictures — but if you need more specific step-by-step guidance you can follow while feeding, click here to get my Reflexive Latching Guide. It’s short, formatted for mobile, and breaks it all down in more detail for you.

Putting It Together

Now that you understand what reflexes help your baby open wide to get a deeper latch, let’s talk about what this looks like in real time in the strip below. If you want to watch me demonstrate this live, watch the video above.

There are several really important things to notice in the picture series above, that are helpful in getting your baby to open wide.

First, notice this parent isn't prematurely cuing anything with her nipple—she’s letting the connection between the baby's chin and her tissue do its intended job.

Then when the baby opens, she isn't putting her nipple into the baby's mouth - she is helping the baby come forward after the baby has opened wide, by putting her hand on her baby's shoulders.

She also has her baby’s whole body positioned so that his mouth is well below the nipple, so when the chin makes contact, he has time to open wide before anything touches his mouth and he gets the cue to start to suck.

Then she waits for her baby to open wide, and then helps him come forward.

This is what honoring an infant's reflexes when latching looks like - letting them do as much of the latching process as they can.

Mammals are born with reflexes for a reason. They matter. And we want to help our babies use them when we can.

Expert Tip: The sequence above shows a parent using the cross-cradle hold—not because it’s the best hold (because there isn’t one)—but because it’s my favorite hold to use when teaching people how to see and use their baby’s reflexes. It’s easier to get the timing just right when you’re learning.

When Order Doesn't Matter

Now that we have talked about why the order of reflexes matters, let's talk about when they don't matter, because sometimes it's OK to jump over the reflexes in the middle.

In the real world, with real babies, not everything lines up perfectly. Sometimes your baby wakes up late or is just having that kind of day—and all they need you to do is put your nipple straight in their mouth and call it a feed, because they’re frantic and that is the best you can do.

In that moment, for that feed, skipping all the reflexes and going straight to suck may be all you can do. It’s not wrong. It’s never wrong.

It just means that your latch, in that feed, may not be as deep as it could be because those reflexes didn’t get triggered. Your baby didn’t open wide because the reflex that supports that wasn’t available right then.

But it was still the most correct choice in that moment.

However, when you’re trying to get your baby’s best latch—where they open their mouth as wide as they can and get the deepest latch that’s possible for them—the order of the reflexes does matter.

Because each reflex plays a role in making a deep latch possible.

Confidently Moving Forward

It's one thing to read all about this on a blog; it's another thing entirely to do it with your baby on your own.

All you can do is practice and set yourself up for success.

That looks like making sure you practice when everyone is calm—especially if you have been latching with the stroke and place approach. It also looks like reframing any negative comments that you might be telling yourself about what your current state of feeding means about your ability as a parent.

Because those two things are not connected. There is no line between those two dots.

Nobody has ever latched your baby with your body before, so how to get your baby's best latch—and when it's OK not to—is a learning curve. And while my guide can (hopefully) help shorten that curve for you, it can't take it away or make it totally flat.

But figuring it out is what makes you your baby's expert, and figuring it out together is where that feeding bond that people talk about comes from. It doesn't come from just feeding itself. It comes from learning your baby, trusting each other, and feeling like you are accomplishing something pretty remarkable together.

Because you are.

Resources to Help

📔 My Downloadable Reflexive Latching Quick Guide
Here is a downloadable PDF that contains the picture above with a step-by-step instructions about how to use reflexes to get a better latch.

🎥 The Complete How to Latch Video
Here is a much longer video with detailed explanations about what,when and how to get a deeper latch.